I suppose I’m not a woman! Or maybe I hang out with my brothers too often. Also, my dear friends warned me recently that my rough play in the pool can be misinterpreted at flirting… Hehehe… Then again, I am not the everyday young woman either. I’m a little on the odd side. Also, I am unattractive to either sex regardless of the fact that I am nearly sixteen.And to explain my dating policy, I won’t be dating until I am psychologically and financially stable enough to consider kids; to me, dating is the trial of potential fathers of future kin. I also don’t plan on being “impaled” until I am married (not for religious reasons, more like a side affect to the dating policy. I’m not a religious person).Explanation pulled from the thirteen weird “facts” about women in some similar order in the beginnings and ends, but thoroughly explained so you aren’t completely confused.
1. I scratch my head, neck, and arms when I am confused. I also loom over in slouched position and hum (as told to me be my sister), or I subconsciously start connecting ties aloud (as told by classmates).
2. I’m a bit of a sadist, so I’m too busy laughing when a guy gets kicked. (also, really? They do? paranoid babies.)
3. I just yawn, and I make a funny guttural sound when I do it. That is something I try to mask in public situations due to the fact that it isn’t exactly loud, it just vibrates a few rows over.
4. I cover my shoulders with a towel in getting out of a shower, and I just let my hair dry out on its own. My mother and sisters make a turban, though. I just don’t. (I have three sisters and three brothers, and I mostly stuck around my brothers. They weren’t wussy stick-in-the-muds, and I have unnatually high pain tolerance that makes me often forget that just because I don’t feel that punch doesn’t mean they don’t get ten times worse…)
5. I bite plastic bottle lids and turn it counterclockwise. I made the mistake once of biting a metal lid and cut open my lip just enough to swell like no other. But I don’t even own a bottle opener.
6. You got this one right. I don’t talk to any body parts other than my brain and my thumbs — when I’m playing games that require supreme button-mashing.
7. Wrong again. Sadly, I feel awkward HOLDING stuff. I can’t stand around with a bag in my hand. I have to throw it onto my back or set it down. Actually, that one it a bit of a fallacy anyway. That is actually a nervous habit, and an uncommon one. Due to just personal observation of the female interactions at my school, most girls feel naked without sweatshirts and often steal them from boys or each other. I am a victim of this as well. Consider it a security blanket with sleeves.
8. I actually feel more comfortable in boyshorts or childishly styled “granny panties” and I would never wear a thong. EVER. I’m a highly modest person with a fear of sexual intercourse, although the actually anatomy of human nature is an intriguing thing.
9. I wouldn’t know about the looks thing, regarding the sexual reference, considering the fact that I’m so green my lips are still very chaste. My hands are not scarred with the presence of a man’s palm. I am the unsullied white lily in a field of blood red roses (and don’t take that field as women in general, just my age group. How many girl had pregnant scares under fourteen? Oh yeah, 3/4).
10. I actually sit awkwardly with my legs closed that makes it nearly impossible to sit by me. My legs are closed at the knee but splay outward like a fish tail.
11. When my zipper is unzipped, I discreetly zip it back up and hope no one say my panties.
12. I put on the skirt/pants/shorts on first, or even leggings, before pulling on my top. I disregard my chest in many situations due to the fact that I am visibly a mini-lump. I’m not quite flat chested, but I’m not even close to a B yet.
13. Again, not sure. Especially since, regardless of what my family thinks, out in the world I am a Space Cadet rather than a Chatty Cathy. When you can mentally engage me in something I’m interested in, you can’t stop me from giving factual lectures or rants, though. I’m kind of famous for them. I’m also famous for my odd link with both sides of the river; While I’m the one giving advice, it actually isn’t about who I’m giving it to.
I’ve actually found out that girls and boys act a lot alike in my school. Although boys sit with boys and girls sit with girls, I hear just as much profanity, perverse material, and awkward phrases from one as the other. I can actually talk to both sexes with ease, and adding to the list of my notoriety, I’m notorious for the fact that I’m a generally likable person by both sides. Other than the resentful few who hate me for a number of reasons, most of the school body knows of me as a very weird girl with an interesting sense of humor (sadistic, deadly humor) and a tendency to be quite excitable despite my quite, spacey nature.- Antoinette Haubenstricker